I had a dream the other night...

A few nights ago, I had a dream that woke me up. Take it as you will, but I knew that I'd better journal this as soon as possible. Here goes (direct from my journal)...

Last night I had a dream. It was pretty emotional and the details are kinda sketchy, but I'll do my best:

Somehow I knew it was judgement day. There was a sort of countdown, I know that much. I was with Rainbow and a bunch of other people on the deck of a shipwrecked ship with a sort of portal at the end. The portal, I remember, reminded me of Stargate, but without the "gate", all swirly and stuff. Somehow I knew the portal led to heaven. Apparently Rainbow knew it too since she went through it without saying a word. I remember being mad that she didn't even say goodbye or that she was leaving. I knew there was more for me to do before I went through.

I climbed to the top of a mast or something and started preaching to the other people on the boat, telling them that Jesus loves them and that time was running out. I remember the stopwatch counting down and when it hit zero, the portal sorta washed over me and all the other people vanished except for an Asian family all hugging each other, more happy than I can remember seeing anyone.

"Is this heaven?" I asked them. I don't remember what the father said but it seemed affirmative.

Looking around, I didn't see anyone else but whom I assume was Peter (I assume this because if it were Jesus I would've been on my face in worship). I asked where my mom was. I don't remember if he replied verbally, but I remember getting the impression that she wasn't there. I began weeping terribly, like crying because it hurts so much that no sound comes out, beyond just "ugly face" crying. Between sobs I asked Peter if there was more time (for her). He said there was and I asked to go see her.

When I got found my mom, (I don't know if I had traveled back to this side of heaven or if she was awaiting judgement), I asked her, "Do you know that Jesus loves you?" She said she did and my weeping turned into tears of joy.

And I woke. When I did wake up, I could feel the granite-hard lump in my throat from where I had been crying. The anger/urgency/compassion/pain/sorrow/joy still lingers even today.

I don't know what to make of it. I can speculate, but I don't know if I should.

Marriage Musings (and other such thoughts)

I know I have only been married for four days (holy crap, it still is weird that I am married at all), but I'm finding that I am already learning to humble myself. Now, don't get me wrong, I am used to doing this on a rather consistent basis anyway since I am ALWAYS putting my foot in my mouth, but this time, its different. Let me explain...

When I was an unmarried man (i.e. five days ago), and even though I had a fiancee, I think I was still living for myself. I wouldn't mind, even then, getting something for my bride-to-be, or helping her out, but I would always let out a sigh of "do I have to??"

I'm finding that God is putting me to the test. In the book of Ephesians, Paul reminds us (husbands) to love our wives as Christ loved the Church, giving himself up for her. (By the way, I find it interesting that Paul spends a LOT more time reminding the husbands what to do, than the wives...hmm...just a coincidence? Probably not.)

I'm on my honeymoon with my GORGEOUS Bride, and wouldn't you know it, she got sick. I'm pretty sure its from the post-wedding letdown; with all the stress, anxiety, planning, sleepless nights, etc., but nonetheless she's not feeling great. Now, I wish I could say that I have been the ideal husband and been at her beckon call 24/7; I still have a few internal struggles here and there. However, that said, its been easier. I'm slowly starting to get the fact that I'm not in this alone anymore. I have someone, a God-ordained someone, to help me along in my journey, and likewise, I to help her. This is no longer a solo performance but a duet; each player doing everything they can to build up the other. So even though I want SO bad to go explore Disneyland and all the amazing things within, I know two things: 1) I won't have any fun if Rainbow isn't with me; and 2) The only thing I want to do is to make sure that she's ok, and alongside that: I'll do anything it takes to make sure she is comfortable.

I keep finding that I wasn't aware I could love another human being so much. I love you Rainbow, my partner, my sister, my wife!!!

Musings of Iowa (day 1...kinda)

I arrived to Iowa at about 12:10am on Wednesday morning. Not too horrible except I was planning on arriving on Tuesday at about 5:30pm. You gotta love the midwest weather. :) Anyway, I got here and was greeted by my lovely woman, Miss Rainbow Tanner-Dorn, whereabouts she treated me to a long awaited breakfast/dinner at IHOP. It was a great way to begin my visit. We then went home (with a quick stop at her DeWitt workplace to pick up some walnuts) and instead of going to sleep, we decided to open each other's Christmas presents. Now, I know giving gifts isn't a contest, and I never ever want it to be, but DANG!! I had given her a Blue Man Group DVD, a couple of CDs, and a keychain that said "Love" on it. Not a LOT of stuff, but things that I felt she would enjoy and from what I can tell, she does. :) However, I walked into her living room and saw about six or seven boxes, all with my name on it. I proceeded to open box after box and pulled out many outfits of clothes; we'd had a conversation a while ago where she kept notes on all the things I'd needed clothes-wise. I told her once I was done being shocked at the amount of things she'd given me: "There's no way I'm going to be able to bring this back to CA...I guess I'll have to leave it all here for when I come back."

This was a good thing. It still is. I don't want my visit to end, but in a way...I want to be back here for good and not have this date looming in my future of when I have to leave. I've been here for only a few days, but I absolutely LOVE it here. Me and Iowa...a good match. :)

Innovate08

Last week, I went with my church to Granger Community Church's (GCC) Innovate Conference in Granger, Indiana, near South Bend. I've been two years prior and I was blown away. This year was no different. GCC pulled off a conference with extreme excellence. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't perfect...but that's not what I wanted to focus on right now.

What did I take away from the Innovate '08 experience? Here are some tidbits.

"To make progress, you have to lean in...Balance isn't always a good thing." ~Mark Beeson, Senior Pastor at GCC

"Be a church that goes past Sunday Mornings."
~ Mark Beeson

"Be who you are, who God created you to be, not anyone else." ~ Shawn Wood, Senior Pastor at Seacoast Church

Are we answering the questions people are asking? Do we even know what they are asking in the first place?? ~My own thoughts in response to things Shawn Wood was saying.

"Excellence does not always equal effectiveness." ~Bobby Gruenewald, Lifechurch.tv

"Reality: Churches aren't making an impact, in fact, they are probably getting in the way." ~Tim Stevens, Executive Pastor, GCC

"More isn't better. Better is Better." ~Rob Wagner, Teaching Pastor, GCC

"Excellence breeds excellence...Don't lower the bar!" ~Jeff Petersen, Director of Media & Production, GCC

"The difference between where you ared and where God wants you to be is the pain you're unwilling to endure." ~Directional Leadership Team, Lifechurch.tv

"Don't let life and time talk you out of your passion, dreams & ministry." ~Steven Furtick, Senior Pastor of Elevation Church

"Between the promise and the payoff, is a process...Don't feint in the process. You'll forfeit the promise AND the payoff...the process IS the point." ~Steven Furtick

"The Holy Spirit doesn't ever run out, just our capacity." ~ Steven Furtick

"If you got hit by a bus tomorrow, who else could do what you do?" ~ Kem Meyer, Communications Director, GCC

"Embracing productivity is embracing simplicity." ~ Kem Meyer

"Plan for success." ~ Me.

So that's just a few things...hehe, a FEW...that I took away from Innovate this year. Yeah, what?? You try and compact three CRAMMED days into one blog!! :) Good times. I hope to go back again.